Family Culture

 Culture: the integrated pattern of human knowledge, belief, and behavior that depends upon the capacity for learning and transmitting knowledge to succeeding generations.

How much do we recognize the impact that our family culture has had on us as individuals? It hasn't been until recently that I have been able to recognize this impact on myself, especially as I interact with others that have come from different family cultures. I am from the Midwest, born to parents who loved the value of hard work and the importance of doing things for yourself, meaning that I spent a lot of my youth working on different projects with my family. These projects helped me to value that same dedication and hard work in jobs or life in general. I don't know if I hadn't had that culture of hard work in my family, that I would be the individual that loves to accomplish things and accomplish them well that I am now. It is interesting just how far back this culture passing pattern goes. My parents each had very different life experiences before they were married, with families that couldn't be more different from each other. And yet, with completely different family cultures, there was one thing that both families had in common; the value of hard work.

Fast-forward to my parents creating their own family, I don't think that there was ever a discussion about what they wanted our family's culture to be like. I would have to assume that a majority of the time for families, it is not a determined or established culture that is desired. However, the cultures that we create are based off of the values that we have, the things that we feel we cannot live without. For some families, maybe that is honesty, hard work, respect, intelligence, happiness, recreational activities, or service. Those ideas of values are then translated through the actions or behaviors of the family members, creating the culture of the family.

I think the most difficult part about family culture is the fact that behaviors are so much easier to see and recognize, while the values behind those actions are not always evident. For example, a parent that really values respect but does not know how to express that accurately might abuse their children in a way to cause them to respect the parent solely out of fear. A child does not understand or recognize that respect is what is desired or valued in that relationship and thus a culture of fear is established based off of their reaction to the behaviors of the parent. Thus, creates this cycle of dissonance in the culture of the family. Until the dissonance is resolved either by communication or a changing of behavior or values, the culture of the family and thus the individuals in the family will continue to be affected.

To add on top of that, sometimes our family culture clashes with other cultures that we are a part of. In my own experience, I have seen this happen most frequently when my family culture has clashed with what many people refer to as "Mormon culture." In other words, the culture that is created by individuals in regard to the way that they chose to live the teachings and doctrines set forth by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Sometime the teachings and doctrine of the church can be perceived as one of judgement, lack of empathy or inclusion. This at times leads individuals to participate in a kind of counter-culture where they still keep the teachings and beliefs, but live them in such a way as to try to be more inclusive or more accepting of behaviors that go against the exact doctrine or teachings of the Church. My family culture is one that rejects that kind of thinking making it difficult when I interact with others who have become part of that counter-culture.

My ultimate desire is to become part of the culture of Christ. Christ was the ultimate example when it came to creating the perfect culture, where all needs are met and each individual is viewed as an essential part of the system. His culture is one of effort and diligence, acceptance with responsibility, faith, and charity. An amazing book that I would highly recommend to anyone interested in learning more about the culture of Christ is a book called "The Enoch Letters" written by Neal A. Maxwell.

Take some time and evaluate the culture of your family and how you have changed because of it. Learn lots and I'll see you next week!