So... What's The Deal With Dating?

 This week I had a complete perspective change when it came to dating… and you lucky individuals get to hear all about it ;)

First let's start with my previous thoughts and ideas about dating: I grew up in Missouri attending a small school with less than five hundred kids in total. From as early as 1st grade, there was this understanding of what it meant to be in a relationship of some kind. My first time being proposed to was in 1st grade with a literal rock for a ring, my first boyfriend was in 2nd grade, and he broke up with me because I used his crayons without asking, and I spent countless hours of my life trying to figure out what exactly would impress the guy that I liked at the time enough for him to want to date me. My idea of dating was based off of what I had seen others do around me: when a girl and a guy like each other they become "boyfriend and girlfriend" and that allowed you to start participating in things like holding hands, kissing, etc. I knew that people went on dates, but I never saw anyone my own age going on dates, unless they were already in that girlfriend-boyfriend stage. This misunderstanding continued throughout high school and on to my present state now. Because of that misunderstanding I have been a part of several relationships that haven't exactly been ideal. I would jump quickly into the girlfriend-boyfriend phase, have a great time getting ridiculously close to someone… only for it not to progress anywhere other than a devastating and usually very heartbreaking ending.

So what was wrong with me? Was I just the worst girlfriend on the face of the planet? Was I just not good enough for a guy to want to stick around? These questions have haunted me for as long as I can remember, constantly thinking that I was the problem. I worried I would never be able to have a relationship with a man that would lead to the eternal marriage that I have dreamed after since I was a child. That is, until this week. Having had a relationship like the kind I mentioned above end recently, when I saw that we would be talking about dating this week, I jumped in headfirst. I was absolutely determined to figure out what I was doing wrong and how I could have a better experience establishing relationships with those around me, especially with men that I am attracted to. I studied and prepared and came to several conclusions:

1. There is a COMPLETE difference between dating and courtship – The examples that I shared above about what it was like in my school and the kinds of relationships that I have seen and been a part of have all fallen more into the courtship stage, completely skipping the dating stage all together. The dating stage is all about getting to know a person, without any further commitment then the time that it takes to go on a date with the individual. Only once you come to truly know someone in many different experiences and situations and feel that it is something that could progress towards marriage is it the time to enter the courtship stage.
2. Physical intimacy too soon leads to issues down the road – This is a truth that is completely lost in our dating culture. It is so easy to jump into the physical aspect (kissing, holding hands, cuddling, etc.) because it honestly feels really, really nice to be intimate with someone in that way. However, when you let that intimacy develop more than the amount you know or trust that individual, you are just asking for trouble.
3. Telling each other life experiences will never trump having life experiences together – I have fallen to this so many times in my life. If you know me, you know that I am a talker, especially when it comes to telling stories. My idea of coming to know someone has always been having long, in-depth and personal conversations with them. Honestly, though, how much do you learn about someone from an hour-long conversation? Do you know how they react when someone cuts them off in traffic? Or when they can't find their keys and are late to work? Or how do they react when they see someone hurting around them?

These are just three things out of the many that I learned this week and that have absolutely changed my life. While it is a little stressful and intimidating to change my entire viewpoint on dating, I know that it will ultimately only help in the long run.