Theories of the Family

 What makes a family tick? How can families be so incredibly unique from one another? Is there any way for us to truly understand and recognize why and how our families are the way that they are?

Last week, I spoke about how to find and recognize truth. This week, I would like to focus on the different theories that are used to explain phenomena in the family. On a personal note, I would like to add that the experiences that I have had in my life will most likely be explained by different theories than the ones that may best explain your family dynamic. I hope to describe/explain these theories clearly enough that you may explain the dynamic or recognize the patterns that exist in your own family.

First on the list: Conflict theory. I know what you are probably thinking: "Oh yeah, my family definitely fits into that theory." While that may be the case, I think you may need to tweak your idea of conflict… I only say that because I know I did. In regard to any kind of social science, conflict is all about resources and needs. Conflict occurs when there is a limited amount of resources that two or more parties are in need of.  A large scale idea of this may be seen through the different wars that have occurred over time. Maybe a country is in need of food because of environmental issues or have too many people and thus are in need of expansion to have land for everyone. However, as soon as one country wins those resources, another country ultimately loses those resources and are then in need, creating a constant state of need and demand.

While much of the time we think of very physical, tangible resources such as food or land as the resources that individuals or countries require. However, we also have examples of countries that were in need of intangible or ideological needs/resources. Take the Revolutionary War, for example. The colonists were in need of independence from a country that did not have their best interests in mind. Thus, they rebelled, seizing power from the British, leaving the British with less power. With conflict theory, there is always one that receives the resources while the other does not. Thus conflict is a constant cycle that never quite seems to end. 

This doesn't just apply to a large scale. A spouse may feel that they are not being appreciated in a relationship or that they do not have a fair amount of power in regard to decisions being made in the relationship. There must be some kind of conflict to resolve this inequality. However, no matter what is done, there will most likely always remain some kind of inequality. A child may feel neglected by their parents and act out in rebellion simply to receive attention. The child may gain their desired need, but there will be some kind of loss on the side of the parents.

The next in the line-up is symbolic interaction. Have you ever heard the phrase "perception is reality"? Honestly, that phrase is not as ridiculous as I once thought it to be. While our perception is not reality as it actually is, an accurate representation of our experience, our perception of events, experiences, and others forms the reality by which we observe the world. For example, I was picked on as a kid because of my ridiculous choice of clothes and just overall poor physical appearance. That has caused me to view others as constantly judging my appearance and never feeling as though I can be confident in how I look. If you apply this idea to families, individuals may have expectations that they have but have never addressed, leaving interactions to be based solely off of experiences had in the past with that individual. If you have ever gone home and found yourself resorting to the ways and habits of a younger you, that would be a good example of you experiencing symbolic interaction theory.

The last theory that I will address is systems theory. The basic idea is that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. The family is made up of several individuals, all different and unique in their own ways and yet have to find ways to work together to make the sum of all of them successful. We do this in the family by the use of homeostatic mechanisms. If one individual of the family begins to behave in a way that is unacceptable or inappropriate, it has to be resolved by the other members of the system. As an example in my own life, I have a family member that, when they are angry, there is a palpable tension in the house. In order to maintain peace, the other members of the family will give that individual space to relax or express what they are feeling, not pushing or pulling for information. Maybe your family has a "mom look" or maybe one of your family members takes on the role of another member of the family that is unable to maintain their own role. There are different homeostatic mechanisms in every family and the key is to learn and recognize them in your own family to determine if they are actually helping or harming the system as a whole.

I hope that this is helpful in allowing you to see your family in a different light than maybe you have before! I know that it certainly did that for me this week.

Have an amazing week!

-Grace