Communication

 Communication is one of my favorite things to talk about. Good communication is something that I think a majority of people, including myself, think that we do well, when in reality, it is one of the hardest things for individuals to do well and effectively. We live in a society where there are almost absolutely no good examples of effective communication. Actually, more than anything else, there are only examples of poor communication, and those examples are held up as things that we should look after and emulate in our own lives. These examples are full of manipulation and lack of genuine truths or vulnerability.

So, let's talk about how communication works.

Step one: Encoding – when we want to express something to someone else, whether that be our emotions, our thoughts, or an experience that we want to share with someone else, we need to figure out the best way to share that with the other individual. To do that, we have to take into account SO many things. We have to think about the experiences that we have had with that individual, recognize how that individual best receives information and then use that knowledge to understand how best to communicate your thoughts. Granted, that kind of information and understanding is only going to come through previous communication attempts that you have had with that person. So past communication can allow you to have a greater ability to have better communication in the future.

Step two: Choose the correct media to get your information across. When we see media, we usually think of things such as social media or texting/calling/letters. While that can occasionally be the case, this usually refers more to the ways that you communicate the thoughts and feelings that you have encoded. This means things such as body language, tone of voice, and even things such as facial expressions. We don't realize just how much we communicate and interpret things both from our own body language and the body language of others. In fact, non-verbal communication makes up, on average, about 51% of the communication that we participate in.

Step Three: Sometimes, we think that once we have completed step one and two that communication is complete. However, step three is the interpretation of the information that has been encoded and shared, by the other individual. When the information is not interpreted correctly that can lead to a lot of pain and difficulties especially if the sharer of information assumes that the one receiving the information understood perfectly what they had tried to get across. I realized this week, that clarifying questions are so important in insuring that the thoughts and feelings of the first person has gotten across correctly and clearly.

My main advice would be that you shouldn't be afraid of asking those questions. Too often we assume that we know exactly what another person is trying to get across to us. It can even be a fear to be seen as not understanding what another person has been trying to get across to us. I have definitely felt that throughout my life and have had several experiences where there has been a lack of understanding because I had not asked questions to make sure that I truly understood. Anytime that we let fear effect our communication, it results in a lack of understanding and ability to communicate effectively. Communication is not easy and it definitely takes a lot of effort and vulnerability because without those things, nothing will ever go beyond surface level understanding and interactions with others. That does not build relationships, at least not relationships that will last for the long run.