Let's talk about: Sexual intimacy

Alright kids, buckle up because this week we covered the topic of sexual intimacy this week. Yep, that's right; I had three hours of discussions about sex. Not just surface-level things either, but the nitty-gritty details of what happens physiologically, emotionally, and hormonally just to say a few of the things that were spoken about this week. While I am not going to get into any of that during this blog post, I would definitely encourage those that don't feel like they are well-educated in those kinds of things to take the time to educate yourself. I don't mean go and do a Google search. Take the time and effort to find good, reliable and helpful sources that will give you the understanding that you need to help your future or current sexual relationships. I learned this week that much of what I thought I understood about sex and sexual relationships in general has been woefully colored by the inaccurate messages that we receive from movies, social media and works of literature. I have become a firm believer in the scripture that states "… if ye are prepared ye shall not fear" (D&C 38:30) and, I would add, will avoid a lot of heartbreak and difficult times.

Instead, I would like to focus more on the emotional and psychological effects and benefits of healthy sexual relationships between married individuals. Notice that I highlight the importance of those that share sexual relationships having the need to be MARRIED. That, in and of itself, makes a huge difference in the amount of commitment and understanding that can be achieved between two individuals while they try to figure out the best way to support and strengthen their sexual relationship. You may be thinking, "Grace, how can you possibly ever think that you know enough about sex as someone who is both not married and has never had sex in her life?" You're right, I have never experienced either of those things. I would like to think, though, that I have had enough relationships, both romantic and platonic, to understand the importance that trust and commitment play in developing and strengthening any kind of relationship. On top of that, you add the intimate and personal nature of having sex on top of that, and it only becomes more important overall. I would argue that there is never a time that you are more exposed and vulnerable than while you are participating in sexual intimacy with another person. I would like to know that the individual that I experience that with is committed to me, fully knowing the weaknesses that I have and is dedicated to me despite those weaknesses.

As a final note, sexual intimacy should be used by married couples for two reasons: use the power of procreation that we have been endowed with by our Heavenly Father; and to unify and strengthen the relationships of husband and wife. I did not realize until this week just how sexual relationships should be a self-less act by both husband and wife. Elder Bednar has a talk where he discusses the character of Christ that we should all strive to develop in our lives. He talks about how that character is turning outward towards others while the natural man would have us turn inward, only focusing on ourselves. While learning more about sex this week and the relationship that husbands and wives need to have to maintain a healthy sexual relationship, I came to realize just how much it related to Elder Bednar's thoughts. When we don't focus on the experience of our spouse in the process and are simply thinking of what we are getting out of sex, I believe that causes relationships to become unhealthy very quickly. Instead, we have to communicate and seek to better understand the other individual, looking outward rather than inward. That will help both individuals overall and allow for something beautiful to be achieved together instead of it becoming a routine activity that only one enjoys.

I hope that all of this makes sense. I obviously am no expert, but I am grateful for the sources that I have in my life to help me better understand how to have healthy relationships. Furthermore, I know that there is so much to learn and many misconceptions that I will need to shed from a life spent in such a sexualized society. I am grateful that I have the means by which to do that. See you next week!

Grace