Living With Stress

Do you ever wonder why we experience stress as human beings? Why is it that some people have greater struggles with stress more than others? Why is it that so many individuals are looking to find ways to better handle stress in their lives?

This week we talked about what happens to the family when stressful events occur in either to the family as a whole or to individuals that are within the family. Stress occurs to everyone, no matter who you are or where you are from. Stress can be a helpful, even beneficial, thing… after all, muscle doesn't grow without stress being put on the muscle, diamonds would not happen without extreme pressure (or what we could consider pressure) and so on. Then again, there can be problems when pressure or stress is not used or handled correctly. Think of pipes that have burst because of immense pressure, or the life of someone that you know that has become fractured because of large amounts of stress.

So how do we maintain the line between having stress that allows us to grow and develop in ways that we couldn't otherwise, and not bursting at the seams from that same stress? From the studies and things that I have learned this week, I would say controlling our perception.

My dad, from as early as I can remember, has always said the line "Perception is reality." To be honest, I didn't even know what perception was until I took a psychology class for the first time, so I really didn't appreciate this saying as much as I should have growing up. Now that I have studied more about human behavior and thinking patterns, I can see the truth behind that statement. However, there is one way that I would tweak this phrase just a bit. Our perception is our created reality.

Let's use an example to make this a little clearer. A sociologist named Albert Ellis created a behavior model during World War One based on how families reacted or behaved based on their experiences with having a spouse or father becoming a Prisoner of War. He observed that these families followed a pattern that would become the basis of his ABC model.

A- The actual event that has occurred.

B- Both the resources available and responses that the family had to the experience.

C- Cognitions or the psychological response to the event (how the family thought about what they were experiencing.)

Now, apply this to a more current and relatable example: Say you have just lost your job of five years. That is your stressful event, falling into the category of A in the behavior pattern. From there we move on to B: what resources do you have at your disposal? How are you going to react to this loss of employment? If you have savings and another job lined up, stress will be limited. However, if you are unprepared and do not have savings or another job in the works, the stress you experience increases dramatically. Moving on to the C portion of the behavior model, those resources will determine how you begin to think about the stressful event. Without resources, you would be far more likely to view your loss of a job as unfair and blame the company, others, or even yourself for the loss. Two people in the same circumstance or situation can have two WILDLY different experiences, all because of the resources available to them and how they respond to those experiences.

So how do we make sure that we are part of the group that has the resources that allow the stressful events in our lives to be growing opportunities instead of our downfall? Another few wise words from my dad might answer that question: "Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it." Add things to your arsenal that will help you better react to the situations you encounter in your life. Do the things that will allow your logical brain to have time to react, rather than allowing your emotional brain to take charge and simply react to the things that happen to you. Even something as simple as taking five deep breaths will give allow your brain to be able to see the situation in a different light, rather than what your first perception of a situation is. There are so many good sources to help you develop the resources in your arsenal of stress management tools. Don't ever be afraid to ask for help from others as well! It's not easy and takes a lot of practice, usually with a lot of mistakes, but ultimately, I know it is possible to change the incorrect perceptions that we create about our lives and ourselves.